This has probably been one of the most difficult units of the course so far. After the exercise/project hoops of previous modules, self-direction should have been exactly what I needed; after all, I have ploughed my own furrow throughout the whole course. But a significant proportion of 3.1 coincided with some monumental domestic issues that required immediate and sustained attention and led to my house being inside out and upside down as it was, hopefully, winter-proofed following the coldest I have ever been as an adult throughout what was in reality a relatively mild winter. As a result of both emotional and strategic triage, my imagination took flight in January and has only just recently begun to return.

Luckily, writing is an old skill, and so I wrote and completed both the 2500 word essay and the 6000 word dissertation, only one of which is due for assessment at this point. This, and the series I refer to as my Safety Cats – paintings of my own cats which meant being able to rely on their presence for visual reference rather than finding imagined elements in otherwise common scenes – kept me engaged and feeling as though I was making some sort of progress.

The other issue is one many athletes encounter, that of the burden of expectation. Young and carefree, people run, jump, kick balls, dance and succeed beyond their previous performance. Emma Raducanu won the US Open and, tellingly, said, “Being a bit of the underdog is great because you can go out there with no fear.” She hasn’t hit the same heights since.

For me, this has come with progressively better grades which, while pleasing me no end, has also led to near-paralysis of capability because now just passing is no longer enough and I can see a glint of something I couldn’t have anticipated when I began. Fortunately, dispassionate self-analysis goes with the territory of professional clinical practice and I am beginning to see a way through, very much helped by domestic stability.

In short, making work for this unit has been difficult for extraneous reasons and even when exhorted to ‘just make work’* I could find no room for the expansive thinking to do that. But with the written components done, and some understanding of what the next two units will require, I have time to build up a body of work that satisfies me before that is due to be assessed.

Some of my current activities turn out to be part of the next unit. I built a virtual gallery, first for myself as this was a new platform, and then for my peer critique group. Now I am building one to house what will probably be my degree show paintings. I made a virtual outdoor gallery, visible only via the Artivie app, in an underpass, invited local people to visit (and ambushed passersby), getting their views about art in general and this project in particular; and I have collaborated with another student by making a video to go with one of her paintings for her degree show. Finally, I have begun sounding out possible venue scenarios for a physical show of my own in the locality.

The question then is what qualifies as satisfying. I doubt very much it will be the establishment of a ‘style’, partly because I have never been an adherent to one thing, preferring to respond to new opportunities and different genres as they come along and spark my imagination. I also feel that an undergraduate course might not ideally lead to such consolidation but rather expose students to many different versions of a possible future and inculcate an attitude of exploration. Previous experiences of educational pathways have always done that for me so that I leave feeling confident about being able to think and critically analyse what I’m doing, how and why I’m doing it, and where to go next. I am unformed and relatively unskilled as a painter, but as an artist, I believe I am much more developed than I could have imagined and able to see almost anything as mental or physical material.

The fact that I have been encouraged to develop video and animation to place into primary physical art-work using augmented reality is testament to the OCA’s flexibility of approach, and is where I see myself going in the future. Aware always of needing to swerve the one-trick-pony trap, I will be looking to enhance my filmic, animation, and effects skills to layer my paintings with ‘added value’ AR layers. ‘Communication not explanation’ would be my aim; an additional way of engaging people who normally don’t engage with art in the traditional way, which is most people.

My work always has a subtext. There is always meaning in it, and I’ve said recently to friends who ask that I don’t paint pictures of things, I paint pictures about things. There is often a political undercurrent – Toy Town is about the reality of farming; Fishing is about the cruelty of deep sea fishing that takes place out of sight; my latest series concerns climate change and follows the view of the river valley where I live from 2023 through imagined 2123 and 2223 views. Even the Cats series mustered a message if anyone asked. The AR layer puffs ink into the silhouette of each cat, making it visible in the painting, then the ink withdraws and the cat is gone, leaving just a pale ghost – a metaphor for the short lifespan of our pets in comparison with our own.

As always, tutor feedback has been invaluable and largely because, rather than prompts about what to do or where to look for things (and I’ve been given these too), it has been an opportunity to talk around the whole process of making art; to feel understood at each point in this process; and to receive insightful critique and encouragement in a context of humour and discourse. Those elements are more valuable to me than any amount of technical advice; I can get that from YouTube.

I am in a hiatus at the moment as regards work in progress, although arguably that’s me – I am the work in progress making sense of the experiences offered to me on this course and considering a realistic future that ideally draws on these new skills, my old skills, and a lifetime of observing, thinking, and contextualising my world.

Realistically, a future of taking large pieces of work around galleries feels unattainable, particularly where significant travelling is required, although I do seem to have landed a spot in a local gallery for some time in the autumn or next year. For me, the most productive activity would be to develop the onward skills that I need alongside people who make soundscapes, animations, and quality short films; and to feed into the Artivive app to maximise stability in the places I have found it lacking. This seems to describe an academic environment and it is probably no surprise that I am gearing this final third of the course; practical work, essay and dissertation; to an application. There is, however, only one suitable institution and it would be an ‘all eggs in one basket’ shot. So while I’m not holding out any serious hopes, I will be holding out a serious and competitive application and looking for all the help I can get with that!

In summary, it’s been a tough unit for reasons that have nothing to do with the course although my perseverance with it has had everything to do with that and my tutor’s support. I feel I’ve developed again in that I’m not the same artist that I was at the beginning. But I also hold no expectation of reaching the end of the degree with any kind of consistency of style because I am still unformed, and I like it that way as it leaves many more doors with their adjacent possibilities available to me. What is clear is that digital/physical hybrid work is likely to remain a core practice and I would like to develop this further, if possible in a postgraduate academic context.

SCH 2023

For a list of workshops, groups, conversations, and other activities see my dedicated page

*Thank you, Clare.

Peer group virtual gallery https://www.artsteps.com/view/63cc2133ab6da6cded3e1619

Personal (starter) gallery https://www.artsteps.com/view/63cc3569c0a4cb48a02c254e

Art in the Wild gallery https://conboyhillarts.com/2023/06/14/youtube-channel-views/